Written by Ozcan Inanli, MA Education, Year 1 Student

NTU has changed my life and to this day, I am forever grateful and appreciative for the strong friendships that I have made. I am going to share you my story hoping that it will put you at ease and know that you are not alone in feeling left out. Making friends can be tough especially as you often wonder if you will fit in, whether other people will like you and that you need to blend in. Also, some people are more reserved than others and are feeling the same as you are even if they may not say it aloud. Furthermore, you might feel self-conscious and feel as if other people are judging you negatively – it is completely okay to feel this way!

For some, we face difficulties with the language barrier as well as cultural differences between us (both individually and collectively). I have been in your position. I know how it feels to be left out, not part of a group and feel that your efforts are not being reciprocated. Finding the right group of people will happen but the one thing that we all need is PATIENCE!

Here are my top 5 tips for making good friends:

1. Get to know your course mates – you will likely be sharing many classes together and establishing a positive rapport from the beginning is important.

2. Join societies – NTSU has many societies to cater for different interests whether it is playing a sport, dancing or hiking. This will ease the nervousness of interests as you will all have something in common. Finding activities that interest you can be a great way to find likeminded people.

3. Reflect on your values – Putting cultural differences aside, it is important to remember that we cannot connect with everyone – some friendships may drift apart – that is OK! We need to try and embrace every moment and go with the flow

4. NTU Global Lounges – a great place to meet people from all different cultural backgrounds with regular events organised at both City and Clifton Global Lounges such as Games Afternoon, Crafternoons, Language Café and monthly Global lunches to name a few. The Global Lounges are fantastic and I always feel at home and encourage you to fully get involved and meet as many people as possible! Some of my closest friendships were formed here. Highly recommend!

5. Prepare some conversation topics – We have to find ways to overcome the barriers. You have to put yourself out there – introduce yourself, smile and be friendly. “Hi, my name is …. What’s your name? Good to meet you!” “What are you studying? What is your favourite hobby?” etc. Many people are just as nervous as you and someone needs to initiate the conversation to ease the nervousness. The more positive interactions you have, the easier it will be Importantly, some people are more introverted than others and take more time to warm up to social situations.

Good, solid friendships take a lot of time to develop and will not happen overnight. We can connect with some people straight away whilst others take longer perhaps due to differences in personality and culture. We all start as acquaintances and the more interactions we have, the more we get to know about each other and friendships will develop naturally but shouldn’t be forced. I am confident that you will find the right people for you and you are in charge of you.

Reflecting on my social circle, I am grateful for the people I have in my life from different cultural backgrounds and that match similar values to me. What I do see is that quality is much better than quantity and investing time with people that appreciate me for who I am and accept me. It didn’t happen overnight and I am still continuing to expand my social circle with the right people for me as having positive strong connections with people is important for our mental wellbeing.

For help, advice and resources whilst studying at NTU, take a look at the following for sources of support.
Support from NTU
Self-Care books in NTU’s libraries
Silvercloud: SilverCloud is our online system designed to help with a range of mental health issues.
Health and Wellbeing resources
NTSU Information and Advice service
Wellness in Mind: Advice and support for anyone in Nottingham experiencing issues with their mental wellbeing
Student Minds or Student Space
10 Keys to happiness
Mind
Papyrus
CALM