By Mrunmai Wakade, NTU Psychology student
Healthy sex is safe, consensual, enjoyable and communicative. However, there are multiple misconceptions and lack of knowledge regarding this topic. So, let’s educate ourself and advocate for healthy sex and how to incorporate it in our daily life
- Your Wants
It’s critical to comprehend and express your needs and desires when it comes to having sex. You can have healthy, consensual, and enjoyable sex with your partner if you talk to them about what makes you feel good both physically and emotionally. It’s okay to be unsure of your preferences and boundaries, to feel the need to experiment, and to have more sex. It is imperative that you and your partner have open communication regarding your boundaries, areas of interest, and the potential for “safe words” to express your limits.
At first, it might seem intimidating, overwhelming, or you might feel shy, but please remember that these feelings are extremely common and happen to many people on a daily basis. It’s nothing to be worried about because a lot of people in your circle are already communicating with their partners! Setting up your boundaries, sharing your wants and taking that crucial step to communicate this, however, may take some time. You can have a healthy sexual life by being true to your wants and to your limits but remember there’s no pressure to know everything straight away.
- Risky situations
A risky situation is not only related to physical danger or risk, it can also apply to emotionally vulnerable situations as well. It is important to understand what your risky emotional situations may be.
A definition would be “being is in a state of mind/ situation where you are vulnerable and may not be able to say no upfront or make the best decisions for yourself due to factors like peer pressure and wanting to fit in, mental health difficulties, certain environments, drugs or alcohol and anything that could potentially disrupt your positive state of mind”.
An example of this may be, you have entered your 1st year of Uni and all your closest friends are engaging in an active sex life and asking about yours. You may feel peer pressured and anxious to fit in. At a party, a person you have met wants you to come over to their place for a “fun time” you say yes to them even though you have a sinking feeling in your gut that you aren’t ready.
In situations like these, you may feel forced into doing something that you are not entirely comfortable with in order to fit in. It is important to understand your own needs and communicate your discomfort. In the long run, it’s better for you to take things on your own pace when you feel comfortable than have a bad experience because you feel pressured into fitting in.
NTU has safe spaces across campuses that are open if you need somewhere quiet and safe to go overnight.
The City Safe Space is open from from 9 p.m. to 9 a.m located in the Boots library which can be accessed through the Goldsmith Street.
The Clifton Safe Space is open from 8p.m. to 8 a.m. located on the upper floor of the Pavilion in room 123A
The Brackenhurst Safe Space is open from 8p.m. to 8 a.m. located in Pippin cottage room PCL8.
- Safety
It is extremely important to engage in safe sex. What does it mean though? Safe sex is the practice of using condoms and/ or contraceptives in order to prevent sexually transmitted infection and unwanted pregnancies. I know that as a broke uni student, you may not have resources to spend on a condom, but let me inform you that Healthy NTU has free condom scheme. To know more, here is the link
https://www.ntu.ac.uk/studenthub/health-and-mental-wellbeing/healthy-ntu/shag
There can be a lot of shame around contracting a sexually transmitted infection, but many STIs are now treatable once they have been diagnosed. You can get tested and access medication for free via SH24 .
If you wanted to learn more on the services in Nottingham you can check out the NHS services here via NUH.
- Communication
Not only is it important to set boundaries and communicate your likes, but it is also important to communicate about your partners boundaries, dislikes, likes and limits. Having an open and judgment free discussion about these topics is essential. You and your partner should also discuss the importance of foreplay and after care.
If you feel foreplay and after care are important for you and a healthy sex life, then make sure to communicate with importance of this your partner. It can also be helpful to discuss what intimacy means to each of you.
Looks of people worry that talking during sex can get quite awkward, it really doesn’t need to be.
Here are some examples of ways you can communicate during sex:
- Can we try…
- Do you like it when I do this
- What do you think about doing this…?
- What was it like when we did this? What do you think about doing it again?
- Intimacy
Lots of people think that sex if the only way to be intimate with someone. But often times, you and your partner may want to be intimate with each other that isn’t sex.
This kind of intimacy may be very important to you or your partner and so it’s important to communicate with your partner and try to understand their these needs. What kind of physical or non physical attention do you like? Intimacy can look like hand holding, touching, open conversations, going on dates like the movies, having a picnic etc, that can make you feel closer to someone.
- Respect
We should always try to pay attention to your partner. See whether you partner is enjoying the new things you have been trying and always communicate throughout. If you partner does not seem to enjoy what you are doing, respect their decision to exclude that particular activity in your sex life moving forward. It is also important that your partner understands your dislikes and respects your boundaries. So make sure you care communicating these and both of you feel empowered and happy with what you are doing.
- Consent – making sure you are freely giving and receiving consent for each sexual act
Consent is one the most important aspects while engaging in a healthy sex life. Consent should be freely given and received. You should ask for and give consent to each sexual activity, consent is required so that all the parties involved can have a fun and enjoyable experience.
For example, you and your partner are kissing, and you want to go to second base, you should something along the lines of “Hey, would you like to do this?”, and when they say or gesture “yes” that when you can move onto other sexual activities with your partners consent.
If they show signs that they are not comfortable, such as freezing, backing up, not responding, saying yes but looking uncomfortable, make sure to stop and check in; ask them if they are feeling alight and whether they would still like to continue.
Although we hope everyone would feel empowered to say “No”, it can be quite tricky in certain situations, which is why if someone isn’t giving you an enthusiastic “Yes”, respect that they may not be consenting and step back. These are our 7 steps required for healthy sex! We hope you had fun and learned something new from this blog. Please let us know about your thoughts in the comments down below!
For help, advice and resources whilst studying at NTU, take a look at the following for sources of support.
Support from NTU
Self-Care books in NTU’s libraries
Silvercloud: SilverCloud is our online system designed to help with a range of mental health issues.
Health and Wellbeing resources
NTSU Information and Advice service
Wellness in Mind: Advice and support for anyone in Nottingham experiencing issues with their mental wellbeing
Student Minds or Student Space
10 Keys to happiness
Mind
Papyrus
CALM
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